Eight
____________
A
Blizzard’s Revenge
Though the summers
were warm, the winters could be exceptionally cold, especially the winter of
1935. I remember that we lived much of the time in the kitchen, even sleeping
there on occasion. I remember blizzards, whiteouts, and huge icicles hangin’
from the edge of our roof. Pa had to put up a rope from the house to the barn
so he could find his way through the snowy billows of white powder. Sara Jane
died on New Year’s Day 1936, My Pa cried. The sky was clear, but the bitter
cold wind made the barn’s weathervane whistle, it’s a day none of us ever
forgot. We buried her with the doll that I had bought for her that picture day
during our visit to Weatherford.
The day of Sarah Jane's funeral my Pa sat in a
rockin' chair scratching nervously at his knees. The parlor at the church where
my sister's casket was had only two ways in or out and the mourners had blocked
both the openings. Pa tried unsuccessfully to exit each, hesitating
momentarily, and then trying again to no effect, so he sat back down in that rocker
again and nervously scratched at his knees, all the while looking blankly
forward. I had the feeling he wished to cry and was desperate to escape the
parlor and its crowd of tearful-eyed occupants, but crying was an act and
emotion foreign to a raison-dried farmer like my Pa; empathetic, soft,
open-hearted feelings were, of necessity, annoyances to flee from and sometimes
something to fear.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“It’s time to get up, Rae Ann,” Mary shook her
sister.
Rae Ann turned away in her bed and muttered, “I
can’t, Mary, I’m sick.”
With the death of Sarah Jane, Rae Ann suffered a
spell of sicknesses that not even the doctor could explain. He confessed to Mr.
and Mrs. Charlton that their daughter was beyond his ability to help her and
that they may need to take her to a colleague of his who was practicing at a
psychological clinic up in Pennsylvania. This was an almost impossible endeavor
for the family, so they all prayed earnestly for God to intervene and help Rae
Ann in any way He could.
“Mamma ain’t gonna be pleased.”
“I don’t care, Mary. Please let me be and go
away.”
After Richard, Teddy, and Mary were long on
their way to school aboard the bus, Hilda Charlton entered her daughter’s room
and sat on the edge of her daughter’s bed.
“I don’t feel so good, Ma.”
“I know, dear, I know.”
Mrs. Charlton gently laid her hand on her
daughter’s shoulder and whispered a short prayer before returning to the
kitchen to clean up the dishes and things from breakfast while Rae Ann drifted
off into a deep sleep…
“Rae Ann, c’mon, get up. I got to show you
something.”
The voice was all too familiar to be true, but
Rae Ann turned over and looked across her bedroom, “It can’t… how? What—”
“Don’t ask so many questions. C’mon, I want to
show you my dolly… the one you got for me in Weatherford.”
Rae Ann dashed out of her bed to find that she
was already dressed.
“C’mon slowpoke, last one there is a rotten,
stinkin’ egg.”
Rae Ann ran, although she felt like she was
floating through the air, to a special room in the house that appeared just as
it had been a few months prior. Entering the room Rae Ann saw the beautiful
doll with the fluffy dress and hand painted face sitting against a pillow on a
bed that was covered with an almost glowing white knitted bedspread.
“See, we’re ok, Rae Ann, ain’t no need for you
to fret and be sick no longer. You got a rich life ahead of you. One day you
will… well, I can’t be talkin’ stuff like that now. You just get up and get to
livin’, ya hear. Me and my doll are just as fine as a spring rain. You make
sure you go forward in life and never look back except to count your blessings
and weigh them blessings against the dark days, ‘cause dark days can be many.
Just try to focus on the blessings.”
Rae Ann listened carefully and very attentively.
“I was sick… you remember that cough I had, but
all is ok now. So you need to be ok now too.”
“I love you,” Rae Ann announced, “I always
will.”
“I know, silly. That’s what this dolly is all
about. She’s the most precious act of love I ever knew. You got a good heart…
keep usin’ it.”
The room grew brighter and brighter with light.
Rae Ann closed her eyes for a moment to protect them from the blinding glare.
“Wake up, Rae Ann. I fixed you some lunch,” Mrs.
Charlton addressed her daughter, hopeful that she would try to eat something.
Rae Ann jumped up out of bed with a smile, “I’m
better now, Ma. I got a life to live.”
Hilda Charlton pondered Rae Ann’s sudden change,
but did not question her daughter. Instead, she wished to simply observe her
little one for a while.
After her daughter ate more breakfast than she
had in weeks Mrs. Charlton inquired, “So, Rae Ann, you seem to be feeling much
better and seem to be back to your old self.”
“Not my old self, Ma, but a whole new one.”
Looking a bit dismayed by the response, Mrs.
Charlton continued with her gentle inquiries, “What do you think brought about
this… this—”
“Me gettin’ better?”
“Yes, dear, that’s it… gettin’ better.”
“I had me one of those dreams, the kind that
stays alive in you all day, the kind you feel.”
“I’ve experienced those kind of dreams myself,
Rae Ann; those types of dreams you’ll remember for all of your life.”
“That’s wonderful, Ma. Can we go to visit Sarah
Jane’s grave today, please?”
Rae Ann had not wanted to go anywhere near the
cemetery since the day of the funeral, so Mrs. Charlton agreed that they would
make the trip, but instructed her daughter that they needed to go soon in order
to be back early in the afternoon. “We’ll have to take the horses and wagon
‘cause your Pa has the Model T.”
“I can help with the wagon and all, Ma, if you
need me to.”
“Sure, dear. That would be nice. I’ll leave a
note for Richard, Teddy and Mary in case we are a little late in gettin’ back.”
The two ladies hitched up the wagon and
proceeded to make their way to the resting place of Sarah Jane Charlton. Upon
arrival, Rae Ann leaped from the wagon and ran to her sister’s grave. Hilda
Charlton soon joined her daughter there.
“Isn’t it a beautiful spot, Ma? We couldn’t have
found us a better place for dear little Sarah Jane.”
“Why yes, dear, it is a nice area here.”
Rae Ann pulled a large button from her pocket
and placed it on her sister’s grave.
Mrs. Charlton inquired, “What’s that, dear?”
“Oh, this is my favorite button from my button
collection. Sarah Jane use to hold it and stare at it for hours. She had always
hoped I would give it to her one day. I said I would, but I wanted to keep it a
bit longer. Now it’s hers forever.”
The two spent over an hour at Sarah Jane’s
grave, tidying it up, brushing clean the stone, clearing grass and weeds from
the surrounding area, and saying prayerful thanks for the time they both did
have on earth with Sarah Jane.
“Ya know, Mamma… Ma?”
“Yes, honey?”
“One of my best memories is seein’ Sarah Jane’s
face when we gave her that doll, the one I got her in Weatherford. That was the
happiest face I done ever saw, Mamma.”
“Yes, that was about the happiest I ever saw her
be. She treasured that baby doll so much. That---”
“Can we come here again soon? I want to be sure
it’s always tidy here and pretty for Sarah Jane.”
“Yes, I suppose so. We’ll just plan the days to
visit a bit ahead of time, so as to not disrupt things at the farm too much.”
“Thanks, Ma, it means a lot to me. Now I have
some studies to do at home.”
“Ok, dear. We can go now.”
Rae Ann turned back before climbing up into the
wagon and shouted, “Bye, Sarah Jane, we’ll be back soon!”
After returning home, Rae Ann spent the rest of
the afternoon in her room catching up on missed schoolwork and writing a poem.
When it came time for supper, Rae Ann entered the kitchen to ask her mother a
very important question, “Ma… Mamma.”
“Yes, Rae Ann. What is it dear?”
“I wrote a poem today, well, after I finished
all my schoolwork and all. It’s my first one.”
“I’m proud of you, Rae Ann.”
“Can I read it at supper tonight?
“I don’t see why not.”
“Thanks Ma.”
Later that evening and once everyone had dished
up their supper, Rae Ann read her poem:
What I Wouldn’t Give
What I wouldn’t give,
To play another day with you,
Run through our fields of cotton and
corn,
And watch clouds in the sky so blue.
We could dance in the green forest,
Climb high to the tops of trees,
Sing God’s praises ever so load,
Humbly say prayers on our knees.
I miss you little Sarah Jane,
My dear sister so true,
I’ll treasure what we shared in
life,
I’ll always love and remember you.
I love you, Sarah Jane.
This
was the second and last time Rae Ann ever saw her father cry.
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