Thirty-Six
____________
A Moving Experience
Tuesday night’s attempt to sleep
proved to be hopeless for Jenny. She ended up sitting in the dark staring into
the blank emptiness of her room for hours, troubled by her life and the
choices she had made along its path. Just before dawn Jenny decided to read
some of the book of Lamentations from her Bible. She found comfort in the
way the book presented the cries, complaints and anguishes of people’s hearts
so honestly, I guess one
can really pour out their thoughts, feelings and emotions to God without the
fear of being zapped into dust for doin’ that.
When Jenny finally went down to
breakfast she found Mangas Coloradas and Cynthia Lafferty sitting at the
breakfast table with Amir discussing something that appeared to be of a
serious nature.
“Come, Jenny,” Mangas invited,
“sit.”
The discussion was nothing Jenny
expected. Staff members Mary Walker, Omar Saeed Qaidar and Terry Theodore Grant
had resigned their employment rather unexpectedly.
Mr. Coloradas explained, “I’ll
be moving in today into one of the vacated rooms to live here for the time
being. My lease where I live now is up in a week anyway, so I might as
well move in here. All remaining staff will rotate 12-hour shifts for a while.”
Jenny and Amir did not know how
to respond to this information, so they both only communicated their
understanding of the circumstances.
“Oh, I forgot something,” Mr.
Coloradas continued, “We will only be taking in one more teen at this time…
Kathy Roman. We will keep the home down to the three of you until further
notice.”
Jenny was very happy with this
news and Amir did not really care. Amir felt that as long as any new teen
arrivals did not disrupt things and cause trouble for him, it did not
matter how many youths occupied FHG.
“I met that new girl yesterday,”
Jenny informed the group. “She seems ok. We even went for an ice cream after
school together.”
“That’s great, glad to hear
that,” Miss Lafferty replied, studying the teen girl carefully. “Are you
feeling alright, Jenny? You look as though you haven’t even slept, dear.”
“I’m ok Miss Lafferty,” Jenny
replied as she leaned back in her chair and stretched. “I’m just a bit tired.”
“How about you staying home from
school today and we take it easy for the morning then do some clothes shopping
and have lunch out about noon.
How’s that sound?”
Looking a bit shocked and almost
without words, Jenny simply replied, “Sure!”
“That settles it,” Miss Lafferty
proclaimed, “A girls’ day.”
“A girl’s day?” Amir moaned.
“Glad I’m gonna be gone.”
They all laughed.
Jenny had never experienced
anything like this before, being wanted for herself and not for some other
person’s selfish reasons, desires, or momentary lusts. She felt happy and
hurt at the same time; happy for her circumstances at the present time, but
hurt deeply for the life she had lost as a youth. She knew that there are
those individuals who are walking on the sidewalks of darkness by choice, but
she also knew that there were many others who were forced to walk that
pathway in life due to their own individual circumstances. Satan has taken people who
are made in God’s image and destroyed their lives so these same people
look more like his image, she philosophized sadly to herself.
“What’s you thinkin’ about?”
Amir inquisitively questioned Jenny. “Anything I should know about?”
“Just about life, Satan, God…
you know… normal everyday stuff.”
“I gotta go,” Amir said quickly,
hoping to escape the serious appearance of the forthcoming conversation.
“Have a great day, Amir,” Mr.
Coloradas said as Amir cleared his dishes and walked swiftly to drop them off
in the kitchen.
“Bye!” the group heard the shout
as the front door closed behind a hurried Amir.
“Is it ok that I be excused for
a little bit and go lie down?” Jenny inquired of the two staff members.
“Of course, Jenny,” answered Mr.
Coloradas.
“I’ll come up in about two hours
if that’s ok with you,” Miss Lafferty told Jenny, smiling.
“Ok, that’ll be fine.”
Jenny scurried up the staircase
to her room. She quickly retrieved her diary and a pen so she could write some
of her thoughts down before they fleeted away into oblivion.
Jenny pondered her thoughts for
a moment then began to write, ‘Home from school today, Wednesday, and will go
shopping and have lunch with Counselor Lafferty later. Thought about how
the Devil takes people made in God’s image and for God’s glory and ruins their
lives so they more resemble his image and lack of glory. I still don’t
sleep well most nights and wonder if this will ever end, maybe it’s what I
deserve. I don’t know why, but I seem to not be so reactive anymore.
Instead of automatically reacting to stuff I think is against me, I seem to
have time to choose to react or not. And I feel weird or even guilty
maybe, if I react in a bad way. Some staff quit and that bothers me. It
makes me feel deserted like when I was a child, but that is silly… I don’t
even really know those people who quit very well, so why should
it matter?’
After placing her diary back in
the corner of the closet, Jenny laid down to read from her Bible for a while,
but she felt too tired and placed her Bible on the floor beside her bed
and fell asleep.
“You look a lot younger… I’m
payin’ for your body not a birthday party… younger… birthday party… younger…
payin’… body… Jenny… Jenny….”
“Hello, who’s there?” Jenny
replied to the foggy white mist surrounding the echoing voice she heard in the
distance. “What do you want?”
Silence was the only response to
Jenny’s questioning plea.
“I’m not that same person,”
Jenny doubted herself, but believed it was true anyway.
A whispery cold chill of a voice
made her spine shiver, “You are… you are the same….”
“I’m not,” she asserted, in an
effort to convince the voice and her own mind as well.
Silence permeated the atmosphere
and the mist darkened.
“I’m not afraid,” Jenny
insisted, though she really was scared.
The only thing Jenny perceived
was the silence and emptiness around her. She wanted to stand, to get up, but
felt paralyzed and as though someone or something was attempting to
smother her. She felt like she was face down in bed with her face buried in her
pillow. Gasping, Jenny suddenly found herself standing and forcefully
breathing, breathing like a person who had almost experience drowning in
the ocean’s undertow while surfing. She peered into the darkening
mist but saw nothing. Jenny walked forward, closing her eyes slightly. She
walked on and on for what felt like hours and minutes at the same time.
“I’m not the same… I’m not the
same… Jesus Christ changed me, he changed my life!”
“Jenny, it’s Miss Lafferty. Can
I come in?” the sound awakened Jenny abruptly.
Looking around and feeling a bit
disoriented, Jenny replied, “Yes, please.”
The door opened and Miss
Lafferty said humbly, “Oh, I’m sorry. Were you asleep? I can come back later if
you’d prefer, Jenny.”
“No, no. It’s ok, come in.”
Jenny could not believe that it
was already almost noon. I
slept for a long time. What did that dream mean?
“How’s pizza sound?” Miss
Lafferty suggested with a question that begged for affirmation.
“That sounds great, Miss
Lafferty.”
“Ok, I’ll meet you out on the
front porch in, say… ten minutes?”
“Yes, thanks. I’ll be there
sooner if I can.”
“Take your time Jenny. All the time you need.”
Next Chapter: A New Day's Dawn
No comments:
Post a Comment